i am not a whole person
i'm 35. i came out as a transgender woman at 34, so the title of this blog post makes sense i would think. if i stopped right here it would. 34 years of my life i was playing pretend as a dude so of course i have no real idea what being a woman or womanhood is for me. but it goes further than that honestly
a word i've been using a lot is trauma. in the intake meetings i've been in, when talking to my mom. i am using the word trauma often. i have had a traumatic life. it is hard to understand that when you are living it though. i did the tricky part though, i got out of the cycle of life that was causing me so much hardship. because i am legally blind i could claim disability. the corporate world made little sense to my head, and is a source of my trauma
i have been unemployed since August 22nd, 2024. my life didn't immediately get easy, it actually got pretty bad for a while. if you zoomed in to my day to day right now you'd probably still think it was pretty bad. but i'll tell you what's happening over here. i'm hopeful, i have a lot of work to do, a lot of learning to do. but i am very hopeful. i have known the bottom so many times in life it isn't frightening. so here we are, the bottom, now we go up
a potential diagnosis i have now includes post traumatic stress disorder. i'm getting closer to figuring myself out now